Wednesday, May 21, 2014

here i am, here i will always be

I often sit behind them at church, an imperfect family of four. Him, with a balding head and a belly, she with the story of one lost before she had these two. Both of them older than they thought they'd find themselves when they finally found each other and their two young ones. But then the young ones came and it was like life never existed without them. First a boy who once he started to run wouldn't stop, who has a short round nose and mousy brown hair that makes him look like an excited little puppy. Then a girl with the biggest eyes you've seen, and dimples and thick brown hair to go with them. The boy walks in holding his mother's hand, and the girl rests her head sideways on her father's shoulder as he carries her. During worship the boy stand on the pew next to his mother and puts his hands in her hair, his eyes wide and smiling as he feels the softness of it, and its length. The girl has lifted up her head and is now resting on her father's belly, his arms holding her up. She faces her father and puts her hands on his lips, then his eyes, then his cheeks. It's as if she's blind and is trying to figure out who it is that stands in front of her. She already knows, but still wants to feel all the different parts of him. And I think about how much love and intimacy they are forming in these moments, just being there with each other, the boy and girl feeling around for their parents in the mess of their physical bodies, searching for where they came from and where their home is found. And the parents allowing their young ones to touch them, to know them, saying here I am, here I will always be.

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