Monday, November 10, 2014

one really ugly pie

At a time when the internet feeds us such beautiful images of food, bodies, homes, most of which have been made to look effortless but which in fact cost much time and money, and which images were likely photoshopped or filtered or altered in some way from the original... at a time like this, I bring you one really ugly pie.

I made this pie last night. You may not be able to tell, because it is so ugly, but it is a pumpkin pie with a gingersnap cookie crust. I spun the cookies in the food processor until they were crumbs, added sugar and butter, then flattened the mixture into the pie dish. While the crust baked, I mixed home-pureed kabocha squash with sugar, eggs, milk and spices. Then I poured the pumpkin mixture into the shell and let it bake. I'd made this pie before, several times, so I really wasn't that worked up about it.

The poor thing looked a little iffy when I pulled it out of the oven, but I thought I'd let it catch up with itself. I checked in on it after it had some time to cool and I grimaced, even made some sort of audible noise, though I was alone. That is one damn ugly pie. (I don't like to curse, but this one deserves an expletive.)

I am trying not to reach too deep with this pie. I'm trying not to think of all the things I've baked or cooked recently and how they haven't turned out great, how I feel like I'm losing my touch (if I ever had one). I don't want to analyze too deeply what is happening for me when I'm rushing in the kitchen even though I have no place to be except on my couch (which was the case last night). I don't want to sit here and wonder for too long how many of these kinds of pies are in the kitchens of bloggers and food critics but don't find their way to the internet (this guy can't be the only one out there, right?). I am also trying not to wonder how much I judge myself by such inconsequential productions  - soon this pie will be eaten (at least I can hope someone will eat it) and may never be thought of again.

Except that now I'm posting a full reflection of it, along with a photo, so I guess this ugly pie may last a little longer than I'd intended.

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