free-write: on rediscovering

Looking for something a former-me wrote, I slid my 2009 journal off my shelf. It's a thin volume of lined (always lined) cream-colored pages with a bright woven fabric covering reminiscent of those pot holders we used to make as children (remember those?). I bought it from the clearance bin at Urban Outfitters in Santa Barbara for $4.95 and then couldn't decide if it was ugly or not, so it sat on my shelf, empty and stiff, for some time. Journals are to me what shoes are to most women: I can't resist a deal and sometimes that can lead to buyers remorse. 

Finally I decided that at the very least it was fit for scraps of information that didn't fit anywhere in the neat, tidy, narrative-only journals I used to keep. I started with recipes, an email address, and directions to I don't know where. My idea-collecting evolved to include church notes, weekend to-do lists, prayer items and taped blurbs cut from magazines, even poems, anything from mundane to inspiring. Soon it bulged with all the extra papers I stuff inside the front cover and I wrapped it with a rubber-band to contain it. Bursting -- this is what I wanted my imagination to be. I took it everywhere, and it held everything that was important to me. It's bright, ugly colors soon became endearing because it was unique and bold and sure of itself in an overstated way.

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A few weeks back, I did one final desperate search for a passport I haven't seen since two apartments ago. We had just finished dinner, the house was warm and dimly lit, and my housemates all sat contentedly in the living room, reading or playing on their iphones. And I, feeling lazy and a bit lonely, tried to guilt-trip them into helping me look for it. Drudgery is always easier with company. One housemate graciously obliged and sat on my bedroom floor to keep me company as I pulled out old shoeboxes and containers to root through. The search included my old green plastic expanding file, one I've had for nearly 10 years and haven't looked through in at least 3. Started before the time of google reader, pinterest and bottomless email storage, I used to print out articles, or rip them from magazines, and even cut them from newspapers, information I knew I'd want to access someday. There was an LA Times article on slums, the piece written and read by my cousin from my Nana's funeral, and an update letter I wrote to family and friends after my trip to Manila. My housemate and I laughed at some of the things I'd saved, but I also held those remnants with great care, and afterward put them back in the file, because I knew the girl who had collected those things. I can look back now and marvel at what she was trying to do, who she was trying to be. Even if I'm not sure she would recognize me, that night I remembered with respect and a bit of awe what she was like.

where has reading taken you?

For the holidays, I decided to ask my nieces and nephews to name a goal or wish they had for the coming year so that I could choose a thoughtful gift that would encourage and motivate them. To my utter delight, two of them responded with reading-related goals (though no less delightful were the wishes of my other niece and nephew, who want to go to Disney and make more cookies -- these kids play seriously, let me tell you).

But back to the reading. This morning NPR featured a story on the newly-appointed Ambassador for Youth Literature, Walter Dean Myers. The new ambassador has chosen the slogan, "Reading is Not Optional." Give the interview a listen (or a read). Ambassador Myers is delightful, the interviewer is one of my NPR-nerd crushes, and the story is a serious and uplifting reminder of the places reading takes us in our imaginations and in fulfilling our individual potential.

Where has reading taken you?

joy that comes from being quiet

In lieu of resolutions, I've made a loose list of goals and hopes for 2012. They range from the very concrete "read Brothers Karamozov" to the more exploratory "love my work and play wardrobes" and "create and stick to a budget that really works for me" to the aspirational "see the Grand Canyon." Perhaps the one that is most like a resolution -- a discipline I intend to stick to throughout the year -- is to spend my Sunday's without internet, tv and movies, with the exception of enjoying them for social reasons (ie watching a movie with my housemates). This past Sunday was my first try, and it was more difficult than I expected. Checking email constantly is habit and whenever I have a random question, I look it up unquestioningly. My screenless-sabbath made me re-think my habits, and when after dinner the kitchen drain suffered a clog that draino couldn't fix (and on the first day of the year -- what an omen!) I couldn't retreat into streaming a stupid tv show episode on netflix or starting a new scrabble game on my phone.

Instead, I actually had to deal with my emotions, and after avoiding them briefly by cleaning my room -- perhaps I need physical space to allow for some mental and spiritual quiet -- I settled down, prayed, wrote, remembered and experienced peace, even in the midst of a very imperfect start to my year (and I'm not just talking about the kitchen drain).

Have any of you read this article called The Joy of Quiet from the New York Time? I have a hunch that it is, ironically, making it's way around the web.Joy, the author of the article quotes a monk as saying, is "that kind of happiness that doesn't depend on what happens." And it's not something that can be found by being endlessly and assuredly connected to people and ideas and things but, I believe, by being connected to our Maker and what He is making in and around us.

May you experience the joy that comes from being quiet, alone and connected in an unconnected way, throughout 2012.

nature reveals her secrets

All labor, bodily or mental, needs time and effort. We must give ourselves up to it. Nature reveals her secrets and yields her treasures only to diligent and thoughtful labor.

-Andrew Murray, With Christ in the School of Prayer

a lot left

"You know, I have spent a lot of days ... feeling sad about the things that I've lost. But doing the marathon really shows me that I still have a lot left in me."

 Gweneviere Mann in this sweet StoryCorps story.

(For those of you not familiar with StoryCorps, the stories are in the form of recorded conversations. So don't just read about this story -- listen for yourself!)

to me, from me

I'm sure I'm not the only one who does it. You come across a website or article or bit of information that you just know will get lost inside that crowded, distracted brain of yours. In the old days we made copies, clipped from newspapers, or, I guess, just wrote it down somewhere. I like these options sometimes -- saving something in print, or seeing it in my own writing, can be more valuable and meaningful than a bookmarked link on my computer. Other times the easiest way for me to file these nuggets away for future reference is to email them to myself. This serves as a sort of virtual idea notebook for myself -- to feed ideas for my future, my writing and my thinking and creativity (and sometimes my stomach, as you'll see below...).

A requirement is a short but descriptive subject line so I can easily recall and recognize the information*. (Sometimes I add a fun note in the body to liven things up.) Here's a list of subject lines from recent emails I sent to myself. For fun, I included the links, too -- most are worthy of sharing with people beyond myself!

mind of the maker
mfa reading list 
end of men
unwanted
coaching article
alpha
Saturday run
aloo gobi
modern love

*Once I send them to myself, I also label them in my gmail. This helps me remember why I saved the link.

What about you? What kinds of information and ideas do you send to yourself? How does this help your creativity?

post-it quote: tightly tied as they are

Following a calling is like walking a tightrope — exacting, courageous and exhilarating all at once. And then there’s the fear of falling, one misstep that sends you tumbling or the loss of balance that keeps you from moving forward. To onlookers it may look effortless, like a dance in the clouds. But in reality it requires more focus and demands more sacrifice than you ever thought possible when first signing up. And though others may cheer you on, you are essentially alone out there, just you and the wire. You learn to trust it and to trust yourself that way.

******

I’ve taken to the habit of reading various versions of the scripture I’m meditating on at the moment. I find that different combinations of words and word pictures help to open it up deeper and give me new visuals or ideas. When I read Colossians 1 in The Message, this verse popped out at me:

The lines of purpose in your lives never grow slack, tightly tied as they are to your future in heaven, kept taught by hope. (vs 5)

I closed my eyes and waited for the right image to come and show me what this looks like. I saw a tightrope walker skillfully walking forward, with utmost concentration, in the purpose that only God can speak into our lives. This purpose moves us heavenward toward what we were meant to be and what we are in the perfect, loving and imaginative eye of God. The rope is held in the perfect tension, allowing us to walk forward, allowing us to trust the next step.

What we fear most is that the lines of purpose will grow slack, or that they aren’t there at all. To many of us they seem invisible, and we keep toeing around to feel for the next step but are never quite sure if we’re to take it or if we’ll tumble down into the abyss.

I imagine an important part of tight-rope-walking is to use all the senses — to know where to keep your vision focused, to feel the way the breeze is moving and to hear the stillness and perhaps drown out the distracting noise. There’s also that sixth sense, that feel that we all have for the purpose we’re made to pursue, the one that helps us just know. We need to learn to use this or we’ll be frozen in fear on a fine wire over the rushing waters of Niagra Falls.

P.S. I watched Man On Wire a few months ago, maybe it’s time to view it again?

P.P.S. The first man to tight rope over Niagra Falls.

******

Post-it quotes is a series. Each post features a new quote that's made it's way to a post-it note on my computer at work, combining two of my loves -- wise words and post-it notes -- with my desire to stay focused and develop excellence at my work and craft.